I’m no princess, but there’s a good joke here about kissing frogs

I've never kissed a frog. I have, however, kissed a fish. (Mayport, FL, 1993)

I’ve never kissed a frog.
I have, however, kissed a fish.
(Mayport, FL, 1993)

People ask from time to time if our RV has a name.

It’s been 18 months since we bought the thing. Shouldn’t it have a name by now?

We already know, or know of, vehicles with adorable names like Kermie, Betsy, Goldie, and BART (Big Ass Red Truck). We ourselves once owned a GPS we called Dolores, pretty much from Day 1, because she sounded so much like a Dolores.

But it took until today for RV inspiration to strike. Or maybe it was my head’s unfortunate encounter with the screen door on Monday?

Anyway. Ladies? Gentlemen? Allow me to introduce you to our freshly christened home on wheels …

The Toad

The Toad

Because as a fifth wheel, it goes where it’s towed.

And as an 8-year-old unit that has required numerous, frequent, and expensive repairs in its year and a half with us (this week: shorn off front shocks, probably as a result of the Tire Incident), I think it’s fair to say the beast’s got warts.

Thank you, Google. I'm not sure which definition I find more pleasing. Or accurate.

Thank you, Google. I’m not sure which definition I find more pleasing. Or accurate.

Our next move is Saturday, so if you’re driving between San Antonio and Castroville, be on the lookout for The BFT & The Toad!

It’s *my* birthday, but the BFT got all the presents

But hey, I can kind of wear one of them.

He's so happy.

New truck bed tool box for Tim the Tool Man. He’s so happy.

Does this tool box make my butt look big?

Does this big metal box make my butt look big?

Maybe if I just... Nope.

Maybe if I just…
Nope.

That's more like it. And since Tim was able to empty two plastic tubs in the basement, and thus rearrange the contents of a few others, I had to redo the labels I'd put on just last month.

That’s more like it.
And since Tim was able to empty two plastic tubs from the RV’s basement into this thing, and thus rearrange the contents of a few others, I had to redo the labels I’d put on just last month. Sigh.

The second present was ordered on Friday, at Line-X of San Antonio. Tim’s had his eye on one of these babies for months now (and by “one of these babies,” I mean a cow catcher, a term that is inaccurate, but I rather snottily insist on using anyway). I waited in the BFT while he very nearly skipped inside to hand over our money. We thought it would take just a minute or two, but…

IMG_5017

Truck accessory shop: the kind of place where “toy purchases” require monthly payments.

And here's a photo of our new thing, borrowed from bumpersandbeds.com because ours won't be installed until Monday morning. It's called a ranch hand. It bears less of a resemblance to a cowboy than I'd hoped.

And here’s a photo of our new thing, borrowed from bumpersandbeds.com because ours won’t be installed until Monday morning.
It’s called a ranch hand.
It bears less of a resemblance to a cowboy than I’d hoped.

So what am I getting for my birthday? Hmmmm.

Well.

In keeping with my “own less, do more” philosophy, I think I’ll go with something that doesn’t take up any additional space, will make me feel sassy (classy, and a bit smart-assy), and has captivated my attention for months. In other words, it’s something I reallyreallyreally want.

Be prepared…

… for lavender…

… hair.